Observations

Observations of God's Grace is what I called this blog on October 2nd - about 60 days ago - it seems more like 6 months ago. Tonight, as I was painting one of our spare bedrooms, which was going to be a small exercise room prior to the diagnosis, which became the visitor's bedroom after folding up the Bowflex and Rowing Machine and throwing a spare mattress on the floor, not exactly five star accommodations...  Anyway, as I was covering the dingy builder off-white white with "willow", I was reflecting upon all the ways that I had observed God's Grace, just in the last few days. A couple of friends were visiting with Jenny downstairs in the living room, as I heard them carrying on,  I started a list....

Friends that come over and visit, A house with a spare bedroom, exercise equipment, the ability to exercise, Jenny laughing, family that come and stay with us - even when they have to sleep on the floor, the change of season, cool nights when you have covers on your bed, children that know the God is in control and love them - even when Mom has cancer, friends that drive to doctor's appointments and go to look at wigs as Jenny's hair is falling out, the big harvest moon in the sky, an employer that says "family first" and means it, emails from old friends, phone calls from people that you haven't talked to in years - just to let you know that they are praying for you, a country that has an election without riots in the street or the president getting rid of  parts of congress, the ability to celebrate Christmas as a family, neighbors that stop and talk, Doctors that stop and really listen and ask good questions, medicine - even when it makes your hair fall out, a good nights sleep, non-stop meals that show up at your door, UPS 2nd day delivery, fresh Christmas trees...

Then, in the middle of my thankfulness stream of conscience, I hit the ceiling with a roller full of "willow". OOPS! Don't tell Jenny...

We have so many things that we have been graced with! Jenny is feeling amazingly well for being halfway through the dual Chemo/Radiation treatments, her hair has started to fall out in bunches, so pray for her, as she looks in the mirror every day and sees changes that are not ones that she is excited about. Wig shopping tomorrow and then the decision to cut it off or not... But that will be for another post, last thing on the list of observations of grace - latex paint :)  

Gratefull

I wanted to post, expressing my overflowing heart of thankfulness for all of you.  Thank you for reading the blog first of all. Thank you for your hugs and declarations of support and more importantly prayers on my/our behalf.  Thank you for bringing our family meals for many days.  God has and continues to meet me in the journey.  EVERY DAY I sing out prayers and joyful songs to the Lord for all of you.  I pray that each of you has a joyful Christmas season.

Much love and gratefulness,

Jenny

Guest Post from Charlie- Walking with Mom

On a Sunday two weekends ago, I asked my mother a question that I had not planned on asking for many years.  As we were walking peacefully side by side on a crisp fall day, I asked, “Mom, are you afraid to die?”  I don’t, no didn’t, think much about death.  It’s not that I actively seek to avoid thinking about it.  It’s just not a part of my normal existence.  And so, other than a few practical conversations regarding estate planning and life insurance, I hadn’t thought to ask Mom or Dad how they felt about dying.  That was a question I’d ask one day, sitting at the family house, grown myself, with my own family, mom and dad’s grandchildren, running around.  But with brain cancer, death stares you right in the face.  You must uncover your eyes, look at it right back, and decide what you are going to do about it.  So it was hard, but I asked the question.

However, this is not a sad story.  Somewhere in our circumstances as a family, there is a one-eighty degree turn.  Somewhere, staring down what might be a tragic loss turns into joy, real, peaceful joy.  And that’s what I heard in Mom’s answer. 

We all have a certain amount of time allotted to us.  On the face of it, there seems only one way to approach this – to try and squeeze the maximum amount of satisfaction out of the time we are granted.  Looking it at this way, Mom’s cancer is a roadblock.  It gives her pain, slows her enjoyment, requires sacrifices from each of us affected.  And death, well, death is an ominous reality, a time bomb methodically ticking down to a certain fate. 

But Mom, she found something else to live for.  She began a relationship with the Being who created time and all this around us.  And that’s when the 180 happened. 

What happened was that God showed her that there is more to life than simply one’s own happiness.  Instead, everything in life is woven together as a perfect tapestry, seamlessly perfected for each of our benefit.  What we need most is to be in love with our Creator.  And every moment in history is tailor-made with that in mind.  God is so passionate about my Mother knowing Him that He came and died for her to pay the punishment her sins deserved.  She has a pure, intimate relationship with her Father because of what His Son did on the Cross.  Because of his work, no sin, no failure, no weakness gets in her way of fellowship with God. 

This means that cancer is not a roadblock.  It is an opportunity to see in a new way what God has in the life.  And death is not a time bomb.  It’s a door, swung open, to be truly alive, in the presence of her Creator, with no worries, no pain, and no weakness.

And so, we stopped briefly in our walk after I asked, “Mom, are you afraid to die?”  Looking up at me, without hesitation, Mom answered. “No”, she said. “Not at all.”  We continued walking, not sure what new thing our Father has for us next.

Tonight, before Thanksgiving, I'm grateful that we can have such assurance.  It's only through the work of the Father.  Blessings to you and your family tomorrow!

- Charlie

What's the matter, your arm broken?

This is one of Jenny's Grandmother's sayings, after it had been a long period of time between letters from her grandchildren. As we crossed over the 30,000 hit mark I was wondering of some of you felt the same way....

Here is the amazing thing - there is not much to tell, which I think is remarkable. Jenny is half way through the 6 weeks of chemo and radiation after tomorrow. She is really tolerating the treatments well. There biggest problem that we have had is how to deal with Jenny's return to her place in the running of the household affairs. We are adjusting to having her voice, preferences, and activity in the mix, after a period of adapting to it's absence.

Those of us that have had the role of "caretaker" over the last few weeks are now out of a job, and wondering what to do with ourselves. I have basically been relegated to the role of a chauffeur to the treatments and doctor appointments when there is not someone else available.

I am going to see if I can have Jenny post some of her thoughts here, so you can get the first person perspective. 

The Journey

the reading today was from psalm 84:

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
In whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6 As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
The early rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

Jenny's journey was not one that we planned for or anticipated, but God was preparing us in ways that we were not aware. I was talking to some friends of ours today about the decision that Jenny and I made in May, to postpone building a new home on some property that we had bought last year.

God  knew where our road to Zion was taking us and the new house was not in His travel plans. It is like we have an omniscience GPS...This psalm talks about each of us keeping the road to Zion in our hearts, it is great to know as we have our hearts focused on going to be in the place of worship, our paths are protected and our we are provided for, as we need things. Like the rain creating the pools, which were not there before God sent the rain, but available when a drink was required, He provides many grace rest areas along the way.

Two of Jenny's sisters were able to spend some time with her this week as well as her parents being to join us for a couple of days, certainly these are just a couple of "springs" of refreshment that have made the journey more enjoyable, and reminded us of His provision.

Jenny is really feeling pretty well, no side effects to mention, a couple of naps each day is doing the trick in terms of dealing with the fatigue and she hasn't lost any weight, so all very good progress. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!

The Generosity of Others

In today's Charlotte Observer there was an article about the Levine Cancer center, where Jenny is being treated. It made me thankful to God, for moving on the hearts of the Levine family here in Charlotte, who contributed $20 Million to get the institute started. We have certainly benefited from their generosity.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/11/12/3661449/cancer-research-moves-closer-to.html

So, today I am going to try and be a little more generous with my time, with my words, and with my thoughts, maybe I can impact someone else with my generosity, like the Levine family's unselfishness has impacted our region.

One Week In...

So, we have now completed one week of the double dip of chemo and radiation, Jenny is doing great, she had her first blood tests since starting treatment, and all of her levels look good. We will be actively monitoring the white blood cells and platelet counts, to see what the impact of the Chemo and Radiation is over the six weeks of the one-two punch. The pathology did come back with an encouraging DNA "marker" that indicates that this type of cancer cell shows some better response to the treatment routine that we are following. 

Jenny's sister is back with us and the whole family is in the family room watching spider man after enjoying a really yummy meal of chicken gumbo. so, things seem somewhat normal :) Jenny has had a few headaches, and is taking a couple of naps a day, but otherwise is feeling a lot more like her pre-surgery self.  

I have been reflecting on the concept of time over the past few days, both the daily and the everlasting, taking a day at a time with the eternal in view, simultaneously. It is wonderful that God is "outside of" as well as "in control of" time as we experience it, we have such a limited view, don't we? A little sliver of forever is ours to live our earthly existence, like a sandbox on the beach of never ending... 

I was encouraged today when in my readings I saw: 

[25] Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
(Hebrews 7:25 ESV)

I am really glad that he saves us, not just a little bit, but to the uttermost, I know that means forever, but I think it also means some every day, His grace is like little pieces of his salvation that we get to enjoy in small bit-sized morsels everyday, like breadcrumbs leading us to eternity...

Why is it so hard to post a reply?

A number of you have shared that you had a hard time posting replies to this blog, well I think I figured out why it is so hard. It was set to only allow registered users to post, so you had to "sign up" before you could post. Well I took that off, so now anyone can post without having to sign into anything. Sorry about that, Jenny and I love to hear from each of you, it is so encouraging...

Finding Normal?

I am finding myself trying to define "normal" these days, whatever that means. I have been surprised about my level of expectation as to "how things should be". We have been spoiled with very little variation to our "happiness trend line" at the Mulligans. Just expecting a good nights sleep is on the list, wanting to not have an evening uninterrupted by the medication schedule, as well as not having uncertainty about what tomorrow will bring with Jenny's strength and endurance. I have found my heart tempted to want these variations from "normal" to be removed.

Even during the last six weeks, we have been extremely blessed with great progress and amazing recovery from the surgery and initial treatments. When I am tempted to drag that "happiness trend line" to where I think I want it to be, I am reminded that I am not alone, as the psalmist in psalm 77, after a lament of the conditions that he finds himself, he is then brought back to the deliverer of true happiness:


[11] I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
[12] I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
[13] Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
[14] You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
[15] You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.
(Psalm 77:11-15 ESV)

We serve a faithful God, even when I chase after comfort in "normal", I can rest that there is no changing in our redeemer, who ways are anything but normal. I will continue to remember, ponder, and meditate.... Continue to pray that  the impact of the treatments will be primarily beneficial and that Jenny's strength and endurance will continue to be good. 

Treatments - Day 2

The first day of treatments are over, the radiation appointment was at 1:00 yesterday afternoon, and then it will be at 7:00am for the next few days, then we move to a 9:30am slot for the remainder of the treatments (every week-day until December 18th). These treatments have little immediate effect on Jenny physically, but have a cumulative effect that builds over the 30 treatments.

Jenny took the first Chemo pills last night with the anti-nausea medicine, and was able to sleep pretty well and did not experience any major side effects, which will help me sleep better tonight, since I was apprehensive about how that was going to go last night, and didn't sleep very well myself (it might have had something to do with the election results as well...). 

Thank you for all of your prayers and support, I know that they are making a huge difference on Jenny's ability to walk through these next few weeks... 

Election Day

Today starts a new stage in our journey. The elections today will decide who will be the next president, our decision will be more about how we traverse these next 42 days of chemo and radiation. We are putting up a calendar to do the countdown to December 18th, which will be the last day of treatment. 

We are very thankful that we have the ability to express our preferences in the voting booth and live in a country that gives us the ability to elect to pursue treatment and we have doctors and medicines that we can take during this process. As I was reading last night, the story of King Hezekiah when Judah was faced with a similar situation where the outcome didn't look good -  the city was under attack from the mighty Assyrian army, who had created a path of destruction in their wake. 

I took great comfort in the words that were given to the king by the prophet Isaiah after he sought the Lord:  

[25] “Have you not heard that I determined it long ago?

I planned from days of old what now I bring to pass,

that you should turn fortified cities into heaps of ruins,

        (2 Kings 19:25 ESV)

Even the king of Assyria actions were ruled  by our God, as is cancer. We continue to cry out to the Lord, like king Hezekiah, who saw the 185,000 Assyrian struck down outside of the city, what is the difference with a few million cancer cells?

As we start the treatments, please pray that the side effects of the chemo and radiation are minimal and that Jenny could have energy and strength. Pray that she could continue to stay strong and not get discouraged. Thanks for your continued prayer, we cry out, just like King Hezekiah:

[15]  “O LORD, the God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God, you alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; you have made heaven and earth. [16] Incline your ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD, and see;
(2 Kings 19:15-16 ESV) 

The daily and the eternal

Jenny slept through the night last night! What a blessing a small slice of "normal" is these days... It is wonderful to consider how "daily" God involves himself in our lives as well as how he has eternally taken care of our needs. Sleep is one of those daily things that we are blessed with, but often take for granted. Just like sleep, I think we can often not think about eternity, because we are so focused on the daily. It has certainly taken up a little more of our thinking time around here recently. In today's reading the psalmist captures that thought in one line:
[19] Blessed be the Lord,
who daily bears us up;
God is our salvation. Selah
        (Psalm 68:19 ESV) 
He both daily bears us up, as well as provides for our eternal salvation, we are appreciating both in the Mulligan house today...